One of my dear online buddies, my most excellent friend, shared with me her plans for next year. She has an up and coming ninth grader and so it was interesting to me to read all about her exciting plans. The problem is that I finished reading and I started to doubt my own family's long-range goals.
Her daughter is ahead of both my boys in math and it made my stomach go in a knot thinking that they might be "behind". Her plans for history are far less complicated than my TOG plans and I wonder if I am expecting too much from my boys. She has far less literature except where it is part of her English course and relates to writing. It made me sort of pause and think that maybe I am piling up too many books for the boys within a year. She has her daughter enrolled in a few classes outside the home and that is another place where my heart jumps a bit since my children are at home 90% of the time.
Why do I constantly compare? In the real world, how do her daughter's high school courses relate to what I am doing with my boys? The bottom line is that they don't relate at all. My two boys and her daughter are completely different people with different goals and strengths and interests.
I am going to beat off the urge to rethink my plans or to feel as if I have missed something for the boys in their high school education. My husband and I have made our goals with our sons' strengths and interests in mind. It was with much prayer that our goals were made and then are consulted each year. Goals can be tweaked but the long-range success of our endeavor is built on keeping a focus on what is important in our home.
Clear goals are the antidote for homeschool comparisons.
Interesting to note the definition of antidote: a remedy to counteract the effects of poison.
I will not let my own weak nature poison our homeschool.
Barb-Harmony Art Mom
18 comments:
Barb,
I have read several articles like this from you and they are always very inspiring to me. I completely agree that as homeschooling mothers we need to be clear about what our goals are for our children. Knowing those goals will help keep us on track.
Of course, I have added things over the years that I felt were in line with our goals. The times I have tried to add in things because I felt pressure based on comparison to others, they have never worked out. Hence, the Latin program gathering dust in the closet.
I have had many, many homeschoolers comment on the large number of hands-on projects and art projects that we do. I can always tell when they are comparing their homeschool to mine. I try to point out that I have one son who thrives on art projects - it is where he finds his greatest successes. I also don't have any littles anymore so we are able to leave out art supplies and not worry that they will end up on the floor.
When we start to compare ourselves to others, I think it is important to consider their circumstances as well as your own and keep one's homeschooling goals in mind.
Thank you for another good post urging us to stay the course according to our own goals!
Samantha
Barb,
THANK YOU for this post!! With two who struggle with reading (one severely dyslexic) and one who hates to learn, I constantly battle the same issue. Your solution is truly helpful and reminds me of last year at this same time as I sat down to create logical and simple goals for each child. They DID help me stay the course and fight off the comparison beast. Thanks for the encouragement today!
What a timely post. I am re-installing homeschool tracker this morning, my database is not functioning - so I get to re-load all of our current goals and resources.
I am so encouraged that even with your amazing home that you share with us - you still have a wandering eye to what others do. I'm glad that you fight it too - but encouraged that it is a normal part of being a mom and teacher. :)
I want to sit and focus now - in the summer - of what we will do next year - what our goals are - and then dig the heals in come Aug/Sept when all the tempting "new" stuff gets found by my friends. :) Not to the point of stubborness- but heals ground in as far as goals. :)
Thank you for sharing your heart with us!
I struggle so much with this. Not necessarily that my boys don't compare well, but that I don't. I feel so insufficient to meet their long term needs, praying that God picks up where I leave off!
Beth,
You know better than anyone else what your boys need in order to go to the next step. Keep making those goals.
Samantha,
I love to share what I do with other moms but it is a two-edged sword. I don't want to be the one doing the discouraging but sometimes it comes off like that. I try to remember that when I am discouraged...the other family does not mean to discourage.
Thanks for sharing all you do, it inspires me. :)
Angie,
I treasure my summer planning time. I love the process of setting the next year's goals, researching books and ideas, and then tasting the books once they arrive. I am in love with my 12th graders history book! I can hardly wait to share some discussions with him over the chapters of this book.
Christi,
Your job is to observe your children and then just keep taking the next step. This is a personal journey that you can glean ideas from others but in the end you will make them work for your family. Thanks so much for the comment. :)
I feel better already. :)
Thank you for posting this. Even though I am a seasoned homeschooler I find myself doing this ALL THE TIME! It's good to know that I am far from alone. ;-)
Thank you for your honesty. It can be easy to start comparing with other homeschool moms and then doutb our plans.
I have learned to not do that with time, but it can be a struggle sometimes!
GREAT Post! I suffer from this when I read blogs. My son just has emotional problems and baggage from pre-adoption years that seriously get in the way of learning. He is also fresh from public school. I am grateful to you and the other bloggers who share because once my dark green envy, I find "doable" things in there--like a book here or that that we might be able to get through or a hands-on project that helps or or or [too many to go into] It's hard not to feel this way.
I love this. I just finished goals last week while we were at the beach. Got up early with my coffee and focused on one child each morning. Education, life skills, spiritual. Your post is nice confirmation for me - looking at the needs and specifics for our own family. Thanks
Love this! I have two highschool aged boys as well....this was so encouraging to me!
This is very true. But I also find that sometimes the comparison is just the conscience pricking that I need to remind me that I do have goals for my kids and that I've been allowing myself to slack off on the necessary work to attain them.
In moderation, a little comparison can be inspiring. (After all, that would by why I keep coming over to your blogs.)
Sebastian,
I don't think that the feeling I was getting with this email from my friend was anything positive. Usually when I am gleaning ideas the feeling is of a different nature, a spark of an idea and not a knot in the gut.
Comparing usually leaves me feeling unqualified where gleaning good productive ideas gives me energy and spark.
Comparing without contrasting our differences is unproductive and is sort of like poison.
I'm glad that my blog provides spark.
Glad I am not the only one! When things are going well, I don't have this temptation at all, but if things are less than fabulous, it's all too easy to think others have a much better plan.
But -- like you said, when we can go back to our original goals & plan, it's easier to know we're doing what's best for our very individual kids.
Thanks for another encouraging post. :)
Thank you for your post. Your internal struggles reflect many of my own thoughts. Comparisons ultimately create 2 outcomes - pride or jealousy. I find rest in focussing on what the Lord shows me for each child. This way we celebrate every achievement and trust Him through every difficulty.
Barb,
Thank you for addressing this issue. It is just about this time when I start planning um comparing and finding what I'm doing wanting. So far I've resisted the urge to do so this year and trying to keep in mind our family goals when considering what we want to do with our outside time as well as our family studies.
It is wonderful that children are such unique individuals and that we have the opportunity to customize their programs of study uniquely for them. This is definitely one of those wished I knew and understood just how important it was in the beginning of our home school journey. With at least 10 years left should have plenty of opportunities to practice the principles. :)
Darla,
I think that is why is in such focus for me right now. I have sixteen years behind me and I only have two years left. I have wasted a lot of time and energy with comparisons.
Hope you do better than I have with this issue.
Barb
Thanks so much! Articles like this are why your blogs have stayed on my Google Reader for years. My children are young (oldest only 6) but I already have felt the panic of comparison! Thanks for keeping my eyes (and heart) on my own family's goals!
Blessings,
Gina
This was a great post and so timely. I often struggle with this and it was refreshing to see your thoughts as well. Thanks!
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