Many nights I wake up at 3 AM and worry. I worry about a variety of things but near the top of the list every time is my inner dialogue about how I can fit everything in during these last few years of high school and the worry that I am not doing a good job.
The dialogue goes something like this:
ME: You are going to leave something out of their education that is vitally important.
me: There are always going to be holes so do your best and it will all work out.
ME: You haven't made them a. work hard enough b. work to a deadline c. stick to a schedule.
me: Look at all you have accomplished lately. They are beginning to be really self-motivated.
ME: You should have kept to a more traditional course of study.
me: But that is why we chose to homeschool these boys, so we could have a little freedom to do things our own way.
ME: They are not involved in any outside classes. When do they get to socialize with their friends?
me: (this one is really tough to argue) They are friends with each other and when the opportunities do arise for association outside the family, they enjoy it thoroughly.
You get the idea. I spend time mentally chasing myself around and around.
Why do I do this? During the daylight hours I feel confident and sure of myself. In the dark, middle of the night hours I feel a panic over the whole homeschooling through high school decision.
My youngest has two years left. My oldest has one year left. Gulp.
What helps calm me, besides lots of fervent prayers, is to be proactive.
- Keep our goals in mind.
- Be flexible with shifts in goals and remember that all paths will eventually lead us to the end of the high school course.
- Keep my expectations high and our options open.
- Allow time for the boys to stretch and grow.
- Be vigilant to watching the boys for increased interest or waning interest in topics and hobbies.
- Build enthusiasm for our subjects by finding something to be interested in and allowing the boys to create a fondness for some aspect of each subject.
- Talk as a family about how our course choices are going for each boy and get other family members involved if possible.
I know that we have graduated one son already from high school and he has not found anything that has held him back because of being homeschooled through high school. He is getting ready to graduate from college and you would think that would give me an additional boost in confidence. Also, my 11th grader just recently passed with flying colors the California High School Proficiency Exam. All of these things should boost my sense of staying the course.
Perhaps I am just a worrier by nature and I wish I had some sort of safety net to assure me that I was doing everything I should be doing. It takes a lot of courage to homeschool through high school.
10 Do not be afraid, for I am with you. Do not gaze about, for I am your God. I will fortify you. I will really help you. I will really keep fast hold of you with my right hand of righteousness.’ 13 For I, Jehovah your God, am grasping your right hand, the One saying to you, ‘Do not be afraid. I myself will help you.’ Isaiah 41:10, 13Barb-Harmony Art Mom
10 comments:
I wish I could give you a hug and tell you in person how much your blog writing has inspired me. I'm a new HS mom and have 1 1/2 yrs before my oldest begins high school. I'm already thinking a lot about it and use your blog as one of my main resources and place of inspiration.
You're doing a wonderful job!!! Really incredible!
Diana
Just an note of spiritual encouragement here, Barb...the enemy of our souls delights in striking when we are at our most vulnerable, but God's Word is an effective weapon against such attacks. May His words comfort and assure you as you walk in obedience to His will. Committing His Word to memory and speaking it into the dark when I am arguing with myself or feeling despondent or anxious has gotten me through many a sleepless night.
From what I see on your blog, I think you're doing a stupendous job with your sons, and you are such a blessing and inspiration to the rest of us. Press on!
It's kind of nice to know (and at the same time kind of scary) that someone who has been homeschooling as long as you and who is as far down the path as you, still worries! :-)
I have those conversations in the middle of the night, too. This morning, my hubby left for the airport at 5:30 am. I got up (which is about an hour earlier than usual) to research the Berlin Wall as this is my daughter's current favorite topic. When she's excited about something, I get so excited and pumped up and work hard! When nothing seems to be very interesting, things move slowly and I really question what we are doing.
Thanks again for sharing your thoughts with us. And the scripture, too! And, I think I need to come up with my own goals and take classes or not take classes - go on field trips or not - etc - based on those goals!
Thanks for this post. I'd love to hug your neck, too; you have inspired so many of us, but I am glad to know that even a "seasoned" homeschooler like you has occasional moments like this. ((hugs))
I think I have told you before how impressed I am with all that you are accomplishing with your boys (and must have with Amanda too).
I am sure there must be REAL human beings living in your house (who get grumpy and disagreeable), but you sound like you are ALL on the same team -- and that in itself is very praiseworthy!
Keep your focus on God and 'keep on keepin' on!' =)
Your honesty is another aspect of how this blog is a blessing to so many.
Barb,
I have enjoyed getting to know you and your wonderful family through your blog. I don't think you know how much your stories have helped other homeschoolers, including this one. You're going to be a legend.
Warm hugs,
Brenda
I have to agree with Emily. The enemy is such a coward. He comes at night to attack us.
We all have doubts, and public school teachers do too. Teaching is one of those jobs like being a parent or a minister -- there's always more to do. You can never be fully "done" or do "enough." The needs are just so huge. So we tackle one day at a time, trying to plan ahead as best as possible, but knowing His grace covers the rest.
I needed to hear that verse. Thanks so much for posting your thoughts and worries!
Barbara......... I wish I could just have your family for a day... you are all the greatest... no worries Barb.. your children are doing so well... they will be fine... you are a wonderful parent, superb teacher... and a beautiful spiritual sister to me...
There are many nights when I am up worrying right along with you about our homeschool. But it certainly sounds like you are doing a wonderful job with your family, and you have definitely encouraged me in my journey. My son is in 7th grade this year, so it won't be long until highschool for us. I'm anxious, but am so thankful to have your blog to borrow ideas from. Thank you for all you do! (And thank you for sharing the wonderful verse today)
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